Day 109 – “Decidedly Brilliant”

Monday, 12 March 2007
Day 109 / 32 (59) – “Decidedly Brilliant”

It feels like ages since I’ve made a blog entry. I wish I could say the week went well, but I honestly don’t know how it went. Last week was just an emotional rollercoaster. One day I feel okay and the next so depressed I just want to lie in my bed, forget and be forgotten. The whole weekend I was in bed, sore, irritated, grumpy and still depressed. I would love to know what is going on!

Friday night I went to the Polokwane Show again and this time around it turned out much better. ‘Chris Chameleon’ was there and I saw him perform live for the first time. What a character! What a voice! I was shouting and screaming at the top of my voice. Definitely glad I went to see that. I met a friend there and we walked around and checked all the different stalls. As we were walking I bumped into one person I knew after another. Some meetings were only a nod by aquiantances – but definitely an improvement from the solo performance on Wednesday.

Everybody at my office decided that we were going to wear pink shirts and jeans on Friday in memory of Sheldean. Even my mom got into her jeans, or ‘squeezed’ into them, as she refers to it. It looked like our new office wear. What amazed me more was getting to the showgrounds. People were standing together against what happened to this little girl, against crime in general and you could see it in a wave of pink and blue spread across the crowd. It was like everybody got this memo before dressing to go to the show.

I’ve thought long and hard yesterday about what was happening to me. Why I was feeling this way. And I don’t really have the answers yet, but I know I’m not spending another week like this. I used to be a very optimistic, happy-clappy chap – now… I don’t know what I am. So, I’m thinking positive this week and see if it will change my frame of mind.

One thing is for sure heroin will not solve it. I’m happy to report that the thought of taking hasn’t even occurred to me. Its not an option. Doesn’t matter how I feel, how bad the pain still gets – as long as NO is the answer to the question – I’m doing brilliantly!