Friday, 22 June 2007
Day 210 – “7 months”
All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go… the count down has begun. In a few hours I will be on my way to ‘Jan Smuts’, oh sorry, ‘Jo-burg International’, oh sorry, ‘O.R Tambo’… hell, I’d better get there soon before they change the name again!
I will be flying on a plane for the very first time in my life. I’ve been flying high on drugs all my life and even flew on a helicopter once, but never in a plane before. Another first for me! Wonder what will happen if I shout ‘bomb’ on the plane?
My newly found ‘significant other’ and I only get to see each other weekends and since I’m away in Cape Town this weekend we will only get to see each other next weekend again – ah, the agony! Of course, being apart for so long makes the meeting up so much more ‘explosive’.
I will definitely be going to Century City on Saturday and doing one of my favourite things - walking in shopping malls and checking all the funky people. Maybe I’ll still catch some of you there. In between that and the family responsibilities we’ve got a hectic day planned.
To my friends out there, I’ll be on MSN the weekend and I’ll be back on Sunday night will loads to tell. So, watch out for a full blogging week with juicy details. Oh and I just heard I have another interview on Monday again, and another one later on in the week. What a great way to start the weekend!
Day 210 – “7 months”
Day 209 – “Singles or Doubles?”
Thursday, 21 June 2007
Day 209 – “Singles or Doubles?”
I woke up on Wednesday morning and there was something else in my life that wasn’t there the day before. I took a few minutes for me to place these new emotions in a category I could recognize. Perhaps it is because I haven’t felt them in a very long time. Yes, I woke up on Wednesday morning and for the first time in more than 2 years – I was no longer single!
If you’ve been following this and my Afrikaans blog you know that I have been working on a possible relationship. Even though this person does not stay in the same town as I do, we decided on Tuesday that we’ll officially update the relationship status to ‘involved’.
We’ve known each other now for almost 2 months but I can count the time we’ve spent together on one hand. Due to the distance between us we’ve relied mostly on phone communication. Luckily we’ve got plans together for the next few weeks.
I’ve been thinking a lot whether I should be in a relationship this early in recovery. I am very cautious of getting romantically involved or possibly getting hurt and undoing seven months of progress. I’ve been open about my heroin past since we met and must say that I have not received anything else but total support and understanding during the time. That just makes the love between us even stronger!
Day 208 – “New Obstacles”
Wednesday, 20 June 2007
Day 208 – “New Obstacles”
It has been a while since I’ve sat down and told you how it is going. Hopefully by my previous postings you could see that I have made a huge improvement up to date. My life is slowly showing signs of returning to a state of normal it hasn’t seen in a very long time. Of course, each day brings new obstacles…
I went for an interview on Monday. It came a bit unexpected which left me a bit unprepared. It has been over 7 years since I last sat down for an interview and I was a bundle of nerves to put it lightly. Still, it appears it didn’t go too badly and they’ll let me know if I make the short list.
All of us at the office realize that I can leave at any moment. So, my work needs to be divided between other people who need to be taught. Between sending out my CV, going for interviews, completing my work and teaching others my job – I have been swamped and stressed much more than usual.
And even though I don’t always consciously notice it, these little things mull in the back of my mind making me even more stressed. On a very bad day I do still find it difficult to cope because my body and mind wants that total silence it got from heroin. You’ll remember I stated it as a major reason why I relapsed last time. I just wanted to get rid of the noise in my head, my heart and my body!
A lot can be said for time. Time heals a lot of problems. If I had the same week a few months ago I would have been running towards heroin. I feel empowered in a sense by conquering these bad times and not just giving up like I would have done originally. So, I guess even though I am facing new obstacles in my life these days I am definitely handling them better!
Day 206 – “Jogging to the Dealer”
Monday, 18 June 2007
Day 206 – “Jogging to the Dealer”
“What’s wrong with these stupid people? They have so much energy they make me sick!” We just moan as we pass them on the way to the dealer. It’s a Saturday morning. Most people are out doing shopping, jogging, and working in the garden. We barely managed to get ourselves up from where we were lying. Every single action, every single joint movement we have to make until the heroin flows through our veins is a lifetime of agony that seems to never end.
The dealer is late. I have learned by now that the Time Zone in Nigeria must be non existent because these Nigerians don’t know the meaning of it. 5 minutes was a term they used very often and every single time it meant something else. I wanted to start crying. I prayed for strength to last the 5 minutes it was already going to take and now I had to wait another.
Sometimes it was still early. We’d call them at the weirdest hours of the morning when the craving spoke and we’d organize. Other times they refused to help us until it was light. But it was almost guaranteed that by midday we would be back at the house and most definitely high. Time flew by after that. Everything just flew by after that. We’d rent DVDs or watch SABC or we’d just lie on the couches in the living room and hours would pass.
I watched some of the Comrades Marathon yesterday and I remember last year how we laughed at all these people jogging the whole day. Of course, we were most probably past out for most of it. This year, I’m in a very different place. And watching them jogging I’d actually like to try it one day.
Hell, after what I did this past year I think I’ll take on any task and at least give a good effort. Then I’ll watch the druggies go by on their way to the dealer, tuning me: “What’s wrong with this stupid guy? Is he on something, jogging this time of morning?” And then maybe I’ll reply: “For once I am high on life. You should try it!”
