Friday, 20 July 2007
Day 238 – “Ashes to Ashes”
It is the most awful sound I’ve ever heard. Every shovel full of dirt landing on the coffin made it more and more real to me. He wasn’t going to stand up. I wouldn’t be bumping into him in town. His father, his brother, his daughter, his wife – they would never see him again.
I went to a funeral today, my third funeral in just over a year. This was the first time I went to an open grave and I found myself much more emotional than I thought I would be. We weren’t best of friends but we were close enough. He seemed to touch so many people wherever he went always making lasting relationships and friendships. You could see that by the amount of people that attended his funeral.
He was only a few months older than I was and obviously still had his whole life ahead of him. A car accident the weekend claimed his life including that of 6 other people. If you think to yourself that there is a person in this world that least deserves this tragic fate – then it is probably him.
The two previous funerals I was at, I was still using heroin, so the impact of what was happening didn’t really hit me at that time. One tend to realize only at events like these how short life is and the time we have on earth is uncertain to everyone. And more importantly you have to ask yourself if the way you are living is that of a person that touched lives and will be remembered.
Rest in peace my friend, you will be remembered and dearly missed!
Day 238 – “Ashes to Ashes”
Day 236 – “Click, click…”
Wednesday, 18 July 2007
Day 236 – “Click, click…”
Polokwane has been zooming the past few days with news of a boy and girl that had sex outside one of the clubs we have here. Of course, it was filmed by onlookers and one of the videos was so clear they could make out the identity of the kids. I just saw one of the videos taken and to my surprise it wasn’t in a car as I originally thought. These very drunk or very horny teenagers decided to do it hardly hidden away in a spot close to the entrance of the club. Must say I’ve never had that good of a night out at the club!
I’m still in Polokwane at the moment and unsure as to when I’ll go to Pretoria for training. Meanwhile I’m getting hands on training with the various jobs that need to be completed this side. I am still very happy with the job. It has already thrown me a few curve balls and not one single day has been the same. The worst stress and discomfort from the changes has passed.
I am really sad to hear so many people are leaving the blogging world. Quite a few are saying goodbye completely while a few others have moved to another home. I have to admit that 24.com’s blogs now, compared to the beginning of the year has changed tremendously and regrettably not for the better. Luckily there are still quite a few left that I love to read about and that visit my blog.
I find it so strange to write about the past at the moment. Telling stories of what heroin did to me is so unreal because it feels like a lifetime ago that they happened. Of course, I do still tell them because it reminds me where I came from and warns me never to go back to it again.
As long as there is a recovery to write about, I will write about it. And then maybe one day I’ll get to writing the book everybody says I must write. I have almost 35,000 views in just under 8 months across the servers I blogged on, but I guess it shouldn’t be about how many people read it - It should be more about how many it helps in the end!
Day 234 – “Rumor has it!”
Monday, 16 July 2007
Day 234 – “Rumor has it!”
I remember thinking to myself how it couldn’t be that bad! It is funny really, when I think about it now: For some reason I thought millions of heroin addicts around the world were just not trying hard enough! A lot of things made me take that first day and for the life of me I cannot remember most of them – but I do know I wasn’t scared of it. I really believed heroin would never get control over me.
I think it is probably the easiest the first time you try to quit because you mistakenly believe that in a few hours it will all be over and that you’ll go on with your life as if nothing happened. You go through the first few hours of pain hoping it will all be over soon, but it only gets worse and worse as the days progress.
When I finally passed a few days of not taking heroin I realized that the fight was only starting. The physical pain, although still there, was much better. The other withdrawal symptoms however were only starting. The rebuilding of a life and relationships, which took no time to destroy, was only now about to start.
Some say I had the strength and the determination to get through those days and months leading up to today. Some say it is because I made the choices that others still need to make. Generally most believe I wouldn’t have done it without my family and friends supporting me. Maybe they are all right; maybe I was just a lucky one.
There are a people that weren’t as lucky. I have known a few heroin addicts over the time I took heroin. Some I have lost contact with completely and I don’t know if they made it or not. Some have lost their lives much too early. Others are literally on borrowed time and still they can’t seem to stop. I’ve heard rumors from more than one person over the past few days that one of these people, who I believe is still taking heroin, is not doing very well. In fact, according to the rumors not good at all.
We were good friends at a stage, but heroin did, as it does with everything else in one’s life, destroy that friendship. We can never be friends again, not while he uses and regrettably not even if he stops. I just wish today that he would stop, and if he has stopped that he will continue to stay clean – before his time runs out and he becomes a statistic.
