Friday, 9 May 2008
Current Recovery - "R for Results!"
I would like to thank you for sharing the first few days of my rehab experience with me. I get amazing comfort in sharing these stories because they all helped me in getting clean and even today they contribute to me staying clean. My name is Christiaan and today I am 39 days clean.
It sounds almost impossible but I haven’t felt like using drugs one single time. I don’t want to elaborate much until I tell you how I got here but I can promise you I haven’t felt like this in my whole life. I can’t imagine exchanging this feeling for any drug or drink.
I went to my first AA and NA meetings in Polokwane and it was really wonderful. I would recommend it to anybody and even now I see people suffering around me who don’t take this very important step in their life.
I have a much better relationship with God and even that is improving with each day that passes. I couldn’t ask for better results. It all feels like a dream at the moment – like I’ll wake up at any moment and find myself still suffering in Rehab. The most important thing is the comfort and relaxation I see in my parents’ eyes. I don’t think I’ve seen that in a decade.
You’ll understand that, especially now, I cannot blog every day as I would have liked to. There is still a lot of aftercare that I have to do and my life is far from being on track. Still I will continue the Rehab updates and the current recovery updates as often as I can. I am entering a new part of my life and can’t wait to share every detail with you. I hope you’ll all check back while we finally experience my heroin recovery…
"R for Results!"
"Day 6 in Rehab"
Thursday, 8 May 2008
Rehab - "Day 6 in Rehab"
Rehab, 6 April 2008...
It is somewhere around six. I don’t have a watch but I know it is still early. The nurse brings me my pain medication and hands me a cup for a urine test. I know random tests are normal and so is getting tested after 6 days so I don’t even give it another thought.
The nurse brings me new bedding and tell me I’m moving into ‘The Penthouse’. They call it the Penthouse because it is the biggest room and furthest away from the nurses office. This is normally the last room you move to after a few weeks but I seemed to skip a few steps. I started packing my stuff and one of my room mates whispered something in my ear…
Apparently, somebody told the nurses that Matt (heroin patient that booked in same day as me) and I smoked weed in the bathrooms. I started laughing, anybody that knew me would know I don’t waste my time with weed, but then again people here didn’t know me yet. Suddenly the urine tests this morning didn’t seem so random.
Both Matt and I were tested the morning and of course it came out negative. Matt was determined to find out who were spreading the rumours and Darrell (codeine patient that booked in the same day as me), KC* (funniest boertjie you could ever meet), Matt and I waited in his room while he showered. When he came walking into his room and saw all of us he nearly sh#t himself. He was only there for a few days and already he made more enemies than friends. He had this cocky attitude about him that seem to scream that he didn’t want to be there and people like that just made life difficult for the rest of us.
Of course, his story was that he heard it somewhere else and that someone disappeared over night. It didn’t really matter. We knew and proved the truth – still it gives you a bad aftertaste and it was clear this would only be the beginning of our trouble with him.
"Day 5 in Rehab"
Tuesday, 6 May 2008
Rehab - "Day 5 in Rehab"
Rehab, 5 April 2008...
It is Saturday and no activities or lectures were planned for the day. Instead we get a chance to get to know the other alchies and druggies a bit better.
Yesterday, 9 people completed their treatment and left the centre. I only briefly met all of them and found that I actually went to school with one of them. Half of the group that left was girls and 3 of the guys were gay.
At first I thought I had terrible luck being the only gay guy left behind in the clinic but figured I could use it to my advantage. Every crowd needs the gay guy anyway, just as every crowd has the bitchy one and most definitely the sexy one. In my opinion Michael* was the sexy one. At first I thought he would be one of those people whose looks ruined their personalities but after sitting down and talking to him a bit I realized just how down to earth he is.
After the group left yesterday, Bernice* and Jodi* were the only two girls left. Jodi is also in the clinic for spiking heroin and I felt closeness to her from the start. Bernice has a beautiful 18 year old son and you would never guess her age just by looking at her. Then again, speaking to her you realize she has a lot of wisdom that came through years of hurt and pain.
I spent most of the day getting to know my new friends, especially Darrell (codeine) and Matt (heroin) whom I came in with. There is a level of understanding amongst us all. Our stories are different, the drugs we took and the ways we got them may vary slightly but in the end we can all relate to each other.
Later the day we have the weekly braai and everybody’s families come to visit. It has only been 5 days and already it feels like a lifetime that I’ve been away from my family. The guild of my actions hovers over me and I know that there are an infinite amount of problems and relationships to sort out when I go back. My parents can’t come and visit me now but I think I like it that way. This way they’ll only see me after 25 days and hopefully the change will then be crystal clear.
I think if they were in my head right now they’d probably already see the vast difference.
"Day 4 in Rehab"
Sunday, 4 May 2008
Rehab - "Day 4 in Rehab"
Rehab, 4 April 2008...
The clock just struck 06:00 and I’ve already walked into two different walls… or was that… four. Our three days of sedated shuttling has come to an end and we get to move upstairs. I take my things up with me but I’m still so disorientated from the medicine that I keep bumping into stuff.
Ashok (Indian Druggie) is also moving upstairs, but luckily not into the same room as me. He seems unaffected by the three days in detox. It is a pity, really. It is just obvious that some people are not here to get better; then again that was almost me! His religion has their church on Fridays and he tries to get out of the gates to go to church. Of course, with his dealer around the corner I hardly think he planned church as his only stop. Luckily his request is denied.
According to the rules of the clinic drug talk isn’t allowed just as we aren’t allowed to listen to certain radio stations or music channels – they make us crave. I was standing in the tuck-shop queue today with Matt* when I realized I wasn’t the only one affected by Ashok’s drug talk.
Matt* is also in the clinic for heroin. He came in on the same day as me and we shared a room with Ashok. I know we did talk over the past few days but the medicine has me so disorientated that I don’t recall much of it. While talking to him today I realize that my moving out of the room left him at the mercy of Ashok’s Insomniac Mouth.
Since Ashok didn’t stop when we politely asked him, we decided to report the matter. He got called into the office and given a warning. Astonishingly, it appeared as if his attitude changed after he got the warning. He stopped the drug talk and for the first time it actually looked as if he wanted to get help. I would have liked to do it differently, but I guess the ending justified the means!
