Day 139 - "9 Lives"

Thursday, 12 April 2007
Day 139 / 63 - "9 Lives"

Over my child and adult hood I have had one pet. We’ve had a lot of dogs and as much as they were part of the family and we loved them, my cat was MY PET. She is a bright white wild Persian cat that we got while we stayed in Phalaborwa. For many years in her life I was her owner and she hardly let anybody else touch her, stroke her or get near her.

I liked that quality about her. Like we belonged to each other and nobody else. Nobody would ever take her away from me and nobody would ever take me away from her. She is now more than 16 years old and although slightly slower than she was in her earlier years there is nothing wrong with her. She sleeps, like most cats do a lot of the time and still loves to come and sit next to me doesn’t matter what I do. If I’m typing on the keyboard, if I’m writing at the table, reading on the bed, lying and watching television – she always comes and lies right smack on top of me or on top of the stuff I’m busy with.

She was sick for a while. She could hardly walk or eat properly and I feared the worst. This happened round about the time I was just 2 weeks clean. I didn’t even want to think of losing her, especially then… I don’t know what would have happened if I did lose her. I was afterall still very much an addict – ready to dull any emotion with heroin

Lately she hasn’t been well and we took her to the Vet today. She was last at the vet 2 years ago with roughly the same problem. Because she is a white cat she gets cancer quite easily. Her ear really looks bad because of it and she has cancer in her nose as well. She is staying overnight and they will be cutting a piece of her ear and try and relieve the blockage in her nose.

Having to face this sickness, possible death or even death – it’s not something one want to think about, but that doesn’t make it go away. At the best of times I find myself with that slight longing or craving towards the thing that made it all better – heroin. I have to say that the thought of losing somebody close to me is just the worst thing I can imagine to happen. I fear the emotions, the sorrow, the pain – but most of all I fear what I’ll do to get rid of it!