Day 140 - "Mundane"

Friday, 13 April 2007
Day 140 / 64 - "Mundane"

Planning to go out consists of a serious of questions I ask in my head long before I even consider asking my parents. Anything that will warrant an explanation is normally skipped, as I’m really tired of fighting, explaining or rationalizing my actions. Activities done with certain of my friends is normally okay, but should I wish to go out alone or with somebody they don’t know it usually creates issues again.

If I actually do go out, I have to be picked up or borrow my mom’s car. After the accident earlier the year, they think I’ve lost the ability to drive, and always fear I’m now suddenly going to have an accident every time I go out. If I’m 5 minutes late – I have to hear, how they were worried something happened to the car. The car!

So, I stay at home. No issues, no worries. In the best of times in Polokwane, before the whole addiction I found myself bored out of my mind. I just wanted to break away to Pretoria or Jo-burg, hell even a trip to Tzaneen was a change from this place. In the words of Casper De Vries, think Zimbabwe divided by 3, and then you’ll have some vague idea of Polokwane.

I miss going out and just being somewhere, I miss meeting new people, and I miss a life that isn’t just a bunch of replicated behaviors. It is like I keep to this tight schedule of activities that barely keeps me sane, weekdays, weekends, public holidays – everything has become this mundane task. Am I falling out of the buss here or is this what other people experience as well?

Don’t get me wrong. It is not boredom. I have enough to do at home. I can keep myself busy for weeks with whatever I have around me. And in that lies my problem – “the around me”, my surroundings, the few walls I’m able to be! It is Friday and perhaps the reason again for feeling to strong about this today. Yet another Friday, yet another weekend, yet another set of tasks with only minor deviation!