“Getting started!”

Monday, 14 January 2007
Current Recovery – “Getting started!”

I find it slightly difficult to start writing this post today. In fact I’ve spent the past few days writing single sentences that leads nowhere and ends up being deleted. I have a lot to say, seeing as a number of things happened since I last blogged, but my mind feels like a badly translated Japanese movie at the moment. Here we go… my first diary post of 2008…

I never thought I’d ever hit rock bottom. No matter how bad things were I had hope that I could beat it. I never knew where that hope came from, now I don’t have much of it left! To make things worse I lost a lot more than just hope: I lost the respect, trust and perhaps a bit of love from my parents. I lost my best friend who decided to break away because I can’t break away from this drug cycle. And as all the truths make their way to the surface it is inevitable that I will loose a lot more.

I’ve had a lot of time to think the past few weeks about where I am in my life at the moment and more importantly where I’m headed. I am turning 28 this year and the only thing I have accumulated in my lifespan is worry, regret and lots of debt. I thought that I would have enough motivation to get and stay clean with the support of my family, friends and job but instead of proving to myself and those around me that I could do it, I took drugs, lots and lots and LOTS of drugs.

It doesn’t take a genius to see that I have a big problem… one that will not go away! My intention is not to make one depressing post after the other this year, in fact I believe that positive thought goes a long way in beating this disease. However, just like last year and the year before I will be telling the story of my heroin recovery as honestly as I know how. Some things will come easy and others, like the posts to follow the next few days, will seem to take forever to finish.

Regardless of how long the posts take I hope that I will find them as therapeutic as I did in the past. I hope that you will learn and understand things about addiction you never knew before and that it will help you understand your friends and family with the same problem better. Above all I hope to look back at each post I make from now on with disbelieve at the progress I made with each passing day. If I could make one resolution for 2008, that would be it.

For now all that is left to say is “Sayonara”… (Japannese… get it?)