Day 75/57 – “On the couch: Q&A (Part 2)"

Tuesday, 6 February 2007 - Day 75/57 – “On the couch: Q&A (Part 2)"

Welcome to the blog couch. Here are the second part of the questions and answers. You are welcome to keep sending any questions you think I need to answer for you or for myself. There are still lots more and some of them I can only answer after doing a blog entry about the subject. So, buckle up for interesting week!

Why did you start taking heroin?
I think the question I need to answer is why I took drugs in the first place. Let’s say you smoke weed. You won’t ever imagine injecting heroin. I started by taking ecstasy and I set the boundaries for myself, saying I’ll never take acid or coke or never ever take heroin. And after a while on ecstasy you try the next thing and then the next and every time your boundaries shift a bit allowing just a bit more. You think that the next one isn’t that much worse than the one you are currently taking so it’s not bad. Going from taking cocaine to smoking heroin to injecting heroin is small steps and at the time it might not seem that bad. I was bored I was curious, I was experimental, and I was interested… I don’t know. Some times it was just ‘peer pressure’

Are you blaming your friends then?
No… nobody ever forced me to take drugs. I am a smart boy who makes my own conscious decisions. I call it peer pressure because the choice I was faced with was “don’t take drugs and go home and sleep” or “take drugs and party the night away.” If you know me – then that choice wasn’t too hard to make!

Why did you stop taking heroin?
I didn’t like the person it was turning me into. I started taking heroin maybe under the false impression that it wouldn’t happen to me. I knew how dangerous heroin was but I guess I honestly thought I could try it once and stop. When I woke up one day and realized I was addicted (just like every other person I read about) I knew I was heading in one direction unless I did something.

So, what did you do?
I saw a doctor, got medicine to help with the withdrawals and I really thought it was over. And then after being clean for a week or two you think it is over. It was that thought that made me fall back day after day for 8 months. After countless struggles, threads or close-calls I chose to be honest with myself for a change and stop taking heroin. I stopped leaving “back doors” open or hide needles all over the place or hiding information or methods of how I could score again. I was honest with myself and everybody else… that was also the beginning of this blog!

Have your parents read the blog?
My friends, family, co-workers even (and this I found out last night) my grandmother is reading my blog. My parents haven’t read it yet. I printed them a copy this past week – so I guess all will be revealed to them soon!

Tomorrow’s blog:
I’m having dreams again. I call them dreams even though my make me wake up in a cold sweat, guilty and depressed. I call them dreams because while I have them… I am in my dream world again. I am using heroin again!