Day 79/2 - "And then there were two... (Part 1)"

Saturday, 10 February 2007 - Day 79/2 - "And then there were two... (Part 1)"

I made a mistake… probably the first though you get when you look at the title. Day 79/2… there must some mistake right… two… two… no… not a two… Just two days ago it was about to reach 60… it can’t be a two…

I made a mistake… but the mistake was taking heroin!

Our company is merging with another company. Essentially this means we all need to reapply and motivate our position or purpose in the company and hope we get rehired. There is a strong possibility that either my mother or I, who knows perhaps both, could sit without work. Even if one or both of us get rehired, it might be at reduced salary. And for a person that has debt at almost every financial institution in this country and recently crashed his car which is now being written off… this is not the best of news.

Our company is moving in a bit more than a week, by then all the outstanding work in every department needs to be up to date and basically the whole building needs to be packed up and moved to the new location. Consequently, work is a mess. The stress levels in the building is enough to give power to Cape Town, everybody is stressing, crying, shouting. Some days it feels like a war zone.

Besides that, this feeling of inferiority has plagued me recently. The realization that I am an addict and an addict I will always be haunts me. I know of this brilliant minded person, with such a genuine, honest soul that lies hidden away under layers of addict that I’ll spend years trying to peel away at.

I wanted it all to go away. This unsure butterfly feeling that hung over me like a storm cloud, I wanted it gone. I wanted piece and quiet in my heart, in my mind, in my life, at work… just… silence, emotionless, comforting silence… and the easy way out, the one thing that would take it all away, even if it was just for a few hours… was heroin!

Part 2 continues later today…