Day 203 - "Ninety-nine percent"

Friday, 15 June 2007
Day 203 - "Ninety-nine percent"

I’ve got the earphones on my head and a piano solo from Titanic is booming in my ears. For this moment there is nothing else in my head. It’s just me and soothing, relaxing music slowly pushing me into a very nostalgic longing for somebody I’ve probably never met before.

I’ve always been ready to find love. I always knew that if it had to rest its feet on my porch I would welcome it with open arms because without a doubt I would be ready for it. Of course, gullible old me, pulled the short straw on many occasion and got hurt over and over again by people that weren’t as dedicated to a relationship as I was.

I recently met somebody that could potentially turn into a love interest. I didn’t really go looking for it but it happened anyway. It saddens me to say that for once I cannot give a 100% in a relationship in much the same way as all those ‘significant others’ could never give me their all. And it is not that I don’t see a future for us, it’s just me not having the strength to commit to a relationship at the moment.

Perhaps it is more than just the possible relationship. Work is really an unsure minefield at the moment. And since I’m technically looking for other work all those worries about my future employment, CVs and Jobs Interviews, Questions and right or wrong answers, takes a lot out of me.

I have come a long way from where I was 200 days ago. The old me would have jumped at the chance of being in a relationship regardless of where it landed me in a week or two. The new me – well, he is going to make sure he never relives the past few months even if that means passing on love for now!