My Heroin Recovery (Tuesday, 25 September 2007)
Day 305 – “Triggers (Part 2)” (PRE-WRITTEN)
I stopped my car at a shop close by to get something to drink. It was in the middle of the day and a car pulled up next to me. The face was all too familiar: it was one of the HEROIN DRUG DEALERS.
What you have to understand about drug dealers is that most of them will not sell crack or heroin to their customers. Not only is it incredibly difficult for them to find good quality, but heroin addicts soon get to point where they have to phone the dealer a few times a day EVERY DAY. It takes a lot more work from them and they know sooner or later their “customers” will end up in rehab, prison or dead. So most just stick to the seemingly harmless stuff like ecstasy or cocaine.
The face I was looking into was one of those dealers that DID sell heroin. He started talking to me and before the conversation ended I was on my way to getting heroin again. Now, perhaps he was the trigger just by showing up or maybe something in the conversation we had. Perhaps he was only a solution to a trigger long before that day.
What you probably don’t understand about addiction in general, is that once you start the sequence of events there is no turning back. You don’t go from wanting heroin, to getting it and then deciding it is a bad idea and turning back. From the very first moment you get that thought to the time the needle enters your arm it is almost automatic.
I really have such a big support system in place. I know that I can contact a number of people in a number of ways and they will help me through it. The problem is that you just aren’t thinking rationally. So, you won’t be stopping yourself, thinking about what this does to you or your family. You won’t be calling your friends or your family to try and talk you out of it. You just sent a rolling ball down a cliff and until it completes its run at the bottom, no force will stop it!
(Triggers Part 3 continues tomorrow…)
Day 305 – “Triggers (Part 2)” (PRE-WRITTEN)
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Hi....I found your blog yesterday out of curiousity. I do not use but my brother-in-law did. You see, he passed away 6 mos. ago of, supposedly, a heart attack. You see, he was in another country and I don't quite trust what I was told about the autopsy. He was in his early thirties. He had used H for almost 1.5 years and "supposedly" had stopped 6 mos before the time of his death.
You said in one of your posts that people who recover from H use have to be careful of blood clots. Do you think he really could have died of a heart attack? He had a presciption for Lyrica in his wallet. He had no use for this prescription so I'm confused. Any input? I don't know what to believe...
Thanks so much for sharing your story.
i've read some of your posts and i can relate to you on so much of it. i've tried to stop using so many times and have failed. reading your posts definitely gives me movitation to stop using and i hope this time i can make it.