"Dear Heroin"

Thursday, 15 May 2008
Rehab - "Dear Heroin"

Rehab, 9 April 2008...

I met my therapist for the first time yesterday. She is still young and really sweet and I felt I could really communicate to her. She gave me an assignment to do: I am supposed to write a letter to my addiction to say goodbye to it. After I get out of the clinic I can then do something with the letter as some kind of closure. I finished the letter today and will now share it with you…

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Dear Heroin

I am writing this letter to you but I want you to share it with your buddies rocks, ecstasy, acid, cocaine, cat, pinks, weed and all the others whose names I have already forgotten. I want them all to sit with you while you read this and I finally say goodbye to you.

You’ve become my best friend over the past few years and saying goodbye to you now is not easy. I don’t miss you today and I doubt I’ll miss you tomorrow but I know that I will miss you in the future. We’ve shared secrets that no one will ever know or accept and I thought you were my friend not seeing your deceptiveness.

I miss the comfort you used to give me and the overwhelming confidence to be somebody I thought I needed to be to be accepted. I miss it. I do, but I cannot pay the price. I don’t want to pay the price to get that comfort ever again.

I know you’ll be everywhere when I get out of this place of safety. You’ll be watching for my weak moments to come and you’ll try and deceive me again. I know I’ll be tempted but I want to let you know right now you will waste your time because you will not win this fight. I am taking control of my life!

I guess I should thank you for the life experiences you’ve taught me because you’ve given me the tools to fight harder and be more successful in other areas of my life but I cannot forgive you for the price my family and friends had to pay for those experiences. I cannot forgive you for letting me believe that trying to kill myself was the only option or even the easier one.

I will continue to watch you from a distance while I warn others about your harmful ways. I will continue to fight the battle my friends lost in death and even though I know this to be a life long process I will be victorious in my death – only it will be on my terms and my own time.

So, heroin and all the other friends that have come and gone I say goodbye in perhaps the best way I know how – these words. I can try and use every word in the dictionary and you’ll never know how much you’ve really hurt me and kept me from really being myself and true to those I love.

Goodbye and good luck with your future but know I will not be part of it and neither will be those that cross my path.

Sincerely yours,
Your ex-love
CHRISTIAAN