Day 248 – “Opening the doors!”

My Heroin Recovery (Monday, 30 July 2007)
Day 248 – “Opening the doors!”

There are a few defining moments in my life. I remember my vacation in the Cape Province with my family when I was younger. I remember being so happy because I was young and perhaps a bit naïve. I hadn’t been hurt by people, by feelings, by love. I hadn’t been abused by money. I probably never even heard of drugs.

The sea was cold, impossible to swim in, but we had our feet in the water fighting the cold because the sea wasn’t something we got to see every day anymore. Seeing a movie on the big screen was almost unique to me so the IMAX theatre was an out of a world experience – which was appropriate seeing as we watched ‘Blue Planet’ at the time. We took a boat ride on the open side past ‘Seal Island’, a journey up to misty Table mountain and checked the marine life at the “Two Ocean’s Aquarium”. I remember all of it!

I remember walking down a street in one of the places we visited. As I crossed the street I looked up and found this beautiful face in front of me. Our eyes met for brief seconds but it felt like an eternity that we stayed locked onto each other. In what perhaps was a hidden instinct to be at the time, I smiled… we both smiled.

I wasn’t in love – love would be something I only experienced much later in my life. I was vulnerable - this wall I had inadvertently build around me collapsed and for the first time I saw its bricks scattered around me. I was excited – this rush of emotions charged over me and for the first time in my life everything fit into place.

It was on that holiday that a lot of things in my life made sense for the first time. For the first time there was a word for something I had been all my life but now I knew what it was - I was gay!