My Heroin Recovery (Thursday, 2 August 2007)
Day 251 – “Repercussions”
My ‘Significant Other’ and I were talking about My Heroin Recovery this past weekend. I told him about my heroin addiction before we even met face to face and he was supportive and caring from that day without any hesitation. He asked me a question, a question I’ve been asked many times before – “If I get offered heroin right now; If somebody holds out their hand and open it to reveal heroin – would I take it?”
I heard a story one day from a friend of mine, it was still very early in my recovery. She told of one of her close family members who had been clean for a year and she got offered heroin one night by a friend. Of course, she couldn’t say “No” and destroyed a year of progress.
The sad thing is, that it wasn’t that she wasn’t strong or determined to get her life back or stay on the right track. It was just heroin still having that tight grip on her life. It’s not an easy fight and it definitely isn’t simple. If it was just a choice between “yes” and “no” it wouldn’t only have a 2% survival rate. Heroin has a hold on your life that most can never understand. Most can never even imagine.
So, perhaps it is not the answer I would have liked to give. And predictably it is not the answer you would want to hear. But it is the truth – I don’t know what I would do if I got offered heroin. I stay away from the people and the places that tempt me towards heroin in the hope that I won’t have to make the choice, because as much as I don’t like the answer to the question – I definitely don’t like the repercussions of it either.
Day 251 – “Repercussions”
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"It was just heroin still having that tight grip on her life."
What I have learned is that it is not just about the drugs. You can apply any substance or "switch the bitch" but in the end it comes back to you. Not the drugs or alcohol.
I understand because before I got myself a crystal methamphetamine habit, I was a heroin user for many years including years of jumping on and off a methadone maintenance programme.
Maybe today you might not know what you would do if you were "offered heroin" but as it hasn't happened then don't worry or think about it. To much energy is spent on "what if".
Take care Christiaan.
Saying no when it is right there is awfully difficult for any of us. You're making the right choice by removing people from your life who are still using. It's about the only choice you have if you want to stay clean.
Glad you are doing well. Take care.
Marc