Day 24/6 - "Using and Abusing"

Sunday, 17 December 2006 - Day 24/6 - "Using and Abusing"

I know how it feels to be used. For many years I have let too many souls use my good nature for their own gain, under the excuse of friendship. I spend money, bought gifts and played taxi to countless individuals who pretended to be my friends. There are a lot of us out there, people that believe that there is good in everybody and try to appeal to their better nature – essentially we’re gullible people.

I didn’t always get to see who the real friends where and who were just using me. Even my relationships were filled with users. My ex, for instance, is a good example. I’ll never forget the day we met. I met a person I liked, my friends liked and that seemed to like me back. But before I could say “Honey, I’m home…” it was over…

Turns out I was being used again. It might have been for sex, and not a lot of people would complain there, but the fact remains only one of us was in it for the love and that would eventually spell hurt.

Some people are lucky enough to sniff out the abusers, others are not so lucky. But nothing sifts out the fake friends like a heroin addiction. There was a long time when people had to give support and advise to me, even though I rarely took, responded or replied to it. The real friends stuck around waiting for the introducing back into civilization.

Once you’ve taken heroin it scars you for life. It will forever make part of your life and your decision making. So, it is a bit unsettling to know that my friends might be wondering if they are safe or if their money or the stuff in their homes are safe. They might be wondering how to react to me next time, what they should say or what they should avoid. Will I ever be myself again, chat about the same old stuff or party like before. I can say I am better and people can relax around me – but to which point do they now believe I am using them!