Day 55/37 – “Tom, Dick and Heroin"

Wednesday, 17 January 2007 - Day 55/37 – “Tom, Dick and Heroin"

The poem yesterday was written a while back. So, rest assured I was not in that kind of mood yesterday. Interestingly enough I started writing the poem before I ever even took heroin (but obviously thinking about taking…) and finished it while I was addicted to it.

I have increasingly been improving over the past few days. My pain, especially the depression, is slowly disappearing. I am so excited knowing that one of these days I am going to wake up and even the pain and discomfort I feel now will be a distant memory of my previous heroin use.

My day at the office yesterday was a disaster. Since it is work related I can’t reveal the problem – but it shook the whole company from cleaner to owner. I literally and strangely sat trembling in my chair after hearing the news. I’m not sure why, guess the news at that moment was just a bit unexpected and overwhelming.

I’m not sure if it is in my head or not, but after hearing the news yesterday I felt pretty bad again. Almost as if the pain in my muscles, joints, legs, bones and head – were all connected to my mood of the day – which I presume it could be. I got home last night and just lay down thinking. Mostly of the problems that was facing us and what I could to from my side to solve them. And then it occurred to me…

Here I was, facing one of the biggest, most stressful things that have happened in my 6 years with the company and I was handling it. The just-60-days-ago version of me would have found an excuse earlier on during the day to slip away and buy heroin. I would have been emotionless, oblivious to the problems, detached from finding a solution.

I got an e-mail yesterday of a person “proud” of my recovery and more importantly my honesty. I go through a day like this and although I am proud of my 55 days, I am most proud of days like these: My true sign of recovery, of making progress, of leaving that life behind and moving forward. When the day to day issues and problems that would normally send me fleeing to the dealer – are handled just like other people would – without drugs!