Thursday, 19 April 2007
Day 146 / 70 - "Hindsight"
I did a post a while back, probably in the first 50 days, about how foolish I was to start taking heroin. And it sounds like a dumb statement, because any person that tries it, is pretty foolish. But I was foolish because around me I had so many signs warning me of how dangerous it was.
My friend was a heroin addict at the time. The kind that was living for one thing and one thing alone – his daily fix. I didn’t get to see him a lot of the time, because he felt too bad to do anything. A feeling I would myself perfect in the months to follow. I saw him everyday at the mercy of a drug dealer’s little baggy of powder. To think that small amount of anything can bring a person to his knees. I wouldn’t completely understand it then – not as I do now.
I got a book from him, a book which he read before. He even met the author, Steve Hamilton. The book is called ‘I want my life back’. Which is a true story (to the best of his recollection) of his life as a drug addict and more specifically a heroin addict. Reading it sent chills down my spine. His life was so real to me, because I was living it through my friend.
I read the book from start to finish. It was the only book on Heroin Addiction I read before I started to inject heroin. I was already occasionally smoking it at that time. And still after all I saw everyday and all I read about the dangers of it – I still fell into its trap.
I know my stories have helped a few people and I thank those that let me know exactly how it impacted their lives. I guess there are people out there that will read this and know it will never happen to them. They know the dangers and they stay away from it. But there will be the few that will say, maybe I can try it once, I just want to see what it feels like, I just want to see what the fuss is about. Somebody like I was!
“One is too many, a thousand is never enough!”
Day 146 - "Hindsight"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Yes...hindsight. My husband, in his clearer moments, has bouts of it. It seems like he's either beating himself up or craving to do more...
Thanks for being so honest. It helps me understand more what he's going through when I read other people's experiences. It's funny how sympathetic I can be to other addicts...it's hard when the person who is suffering is supposed to be helping me pay my mortgate, though!
when i first started shooting up, i would go to the library and get books on heroin. i would also go to sites where people talked about how they did this or that and safety measures etc. I was under the impression that the more informed of the dangers I was, the more of a responsible user I would be, and I would not turn into a junkie. well, I was naive. i used for about three and a half years and have just now been clean one, and all of the careful measures and knowing what the drug did, didn't matter...b.c i was still doing it.