Day 11 - "To the stupid things we've done"

Monday, 4 December 2006 - Day 11 - "To the stupid things we've done"

It truly does take only one time and you are hooked. It was the day before my 25th birthday when I first injected heroin. I had smoked it before, usually to come down from cocaine but never really saw it as my drug of choice. I remember that amazing feeling, like it happened to me 5 seconds ago. That full body orgasm that your body craves, every second, from thereon. I didn’t even know it then – but I was totally hooked!

I was hooked on the rush and eventually hooked on the needle. The rush has changed a lot since the beginning but most drugs do that after a while. Your body builds up a tolerance and it is never the same as it was in the beginning. Maybe that is why a lot of people keep on doing the drugs – in order to experience that first high again.

It was my birthday the next day. We had a party at the house and I couldn’t wait to take again. It was all I thought about. If I could go back in time I’d probably go show my bank statements and the track marks on my arms (which by the way is looking very good) to myself before I even thought about taking. Would I have listened – I don’t think so!

I really thought I had it under control back then. The drug would never have control over me – not this drug, not this time. My best friend had been a heroin addict for about 5 months. He stood in front of me one day and told me he tried injecting heroin. I was disappointed and angry. I was very anti-heroin back then and it almost ended our friendship. I watched him day after day slowly being killed by this poison and still I went ahead and took myself. Ask me what the stupidest thing was I’ve ever done - there it is!

Perhaps, if I had ended the friendship things would have been different, then again, maybe not. I made a conscious decision that day to ignore all the warnings and physical proof and go ahead with taking anyway. It wasn’t the brightest thing I’ve ever done, but I did it – nobody forced me. It doesn’t justify it, but this heroin addiction caused me to realize I have a big problem with addiction. If it wasn’t heroin that day, it would have been something else, the next day. I could have sat here a crystal-meth addict or even worse my blog being written by a mourning family member.