Day 16 - "I am Sixteen"

Saturday, 9 December 2006 - Day 16 - "I am Sixteen"

I am 16 years old. I am locked away in my room and I have limited amount of freedom because I still have so much of the world to learn. I have a slight allowance but my needs are simple, so I don’t require a lot. I have friends, I have school – life is good!

I am 26 years old. I am locked away in my room like a rebellious teenager, freedom taken away, phone taken away, car taken away. I have no money but enormous debt. I have a few friends left but I cannot see them yet. I am broken, I am down, I’m an addict.

One of the things I have kept from my parents from the beginning is exactly where the dealers live. I was always afraid of telling them fearing what they might do. Or perhaps I wanted to keep that backdoor open for future use. When I started the recovery this time I decided to tell them. I knew if I didn’t – I would have no hope of recovery.

The dealers stays across from me! Yes… As in, cross the street, you’re there. That is one of the reasons why it was always so easy for me to sneak heroin into the house. It only takes ten minutes, ten minutes alone and I could be flying as high as a kite. I can’t blame them then for watching me like a little baby: covering the swimming pool because I might fall in. But I guess it is what I am… a baby, learning to walk, talk, think and live again like a normal person and not like a junky anymore.

I think so much probably made sense to them when they found that out. They were of course shocked but probably understood as well. One of the most important things about your recovery is not to go to the same places you used to score at! How could I ever get better with temptation across the street?

But things are looking up. If all goes well with the test on Monday and the rest of the week I might be allowed out next weekend. Can you imagine being able to live again? It might be like a 16 year old for a while… but I’ll get to be 26 again!