Day 14 - "Two Sides / Two Weeks"

Thursday, 7 December 2006 - Day 14 - "Two Sides / Two Weeks"

I came across an interesting term yesterday – a functional addict. A functional addict can use a limited amount of heroin on a regular basis and maintain the appearance of a “normal” person. They go to work or go out in public and normally hide their addiction from their co-workers, family members, friends or anybody else they should meet. They pay their bills every month to make sure they don’t get caught and have to stop taking heroin. The opposite end of this would be a chronic addict which would generally be described as a “junky”.

I’m not completely sure in which category I fall. For months I was using heroin. I accumulated much debt but still paid my bills every month. It was only when I tried to stop taking heroin and get my life back that my family finally found out. I was working everyday and also taking everyday and nobody ever suspected a thing. I kept the fact that I was using heroin a secret from most people. Even after they knew I had a problem they never knew I was taking again after I supposedly stopped.

But, inevitably, more and more bills were not getting paid. Much more money was spent on getting heroin and taking it more frequently. At the end I came close to selling or stealing anything from anybody to maintain the habit. I never missed a day of work, – not one single day. Even now, through this withdrawal from heroin and the medication, the recovery and the upcoming holidays – I won’t be missing one single day!

My body has forever been changed by heroin. I can’t use/get Morphine, Codeine or any other Opioids. It will not only make me crave heroin again, but I will withdraw badly. So, I got a ‘Medic Alert’ bracelet yesterday indicating that I can’t receive Morphine or Codeine should I buy medication or be in an accident. Taking even one of those would be just as bad as taking Heroin again.

Most people know that the recovery rate for heroin addicts is not very good. In fact, only 2-3% of people that get addicted to heroin make it. Many people expect you just to switch the ‘heroin button’ off and never think or use heroin again. But nothing is the same after heroin. Whether you sit at home, go out in public or just lie at home watching television – everything is different!

Of course, being different doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I’ve wasted countless hours waiting for dealers to try and score. I was either on heroin or scheming how to get it again. I find myself pausing at times and it feels as if I am missing something. You know - like I should be thinking of ways to score again. But at the same time on ‘Day 14 (Two Weeks)’ into ‘My Heroin Recovery’ I am forever grateful that I don’t have to that anymore!