Day 10 - "Natural High"

Sunday, 3 December 2006 - Day 10 - "Natural High"

Every person in my family has really reacted to my addiction differently over the past few months. My mom, whom I have always been close with, is by far the most open about her feelings and I normally know exactly where I stand with her. My dad is the quiet type that rarely verbalizes his disappointment or hurt – at least towards us. So, when the day came when my mom had nothing more to say to me and all my dad could say was how upset and hurt he was, I realized the pain I had been causing was severe.

My brother has mostly been quiet about the whole experience. He doesn’t talk about it much, at least not to me and doesn’t really want to hear any details about it either. He has distanced himself from his addict brother. He is obviously hurting, being thrown in a house where there is always fighting and lying. I can’t blame him. My addiction caused a big rift between my mom and my dad, my brother and I. No matter how many days I am clean – those relationships will not heal soon!

Last night my brother invited me to a movie with him and his girlfriend. Nobody asked him or pleaded with him to take me. He did it out of his own. We went to a restaurant at the local mall. I haven’t been there in ages, since I haven’t been allowed out. So much has changed, I felt like a stranger in my own home town. I didn’t know anybody anymore. I didn’t recognize the place anymore. It just confirmed again how much I had lost while I was off on my destructive mission.

Last night put this whole exercise in perspective for me, again. I was at a public place with my only brother having a great time. Not once did I think about drugs, of getting them or taking them. I was out there living a life just like everybody else and it felt better than any high a drug can give me!