Day 18 - "Testing Day"

Monday, 11 December 2006 - Day 18 - "Testing Day (Part 1)"

One is too many, a thousand is never enough. I learned that the hard way. I think the most I took on one day was about 3 baggies of heroin (that is about 10 times on one day), but I may have lost count. Addicts can still function normally on heroin but after that much I probably didn’t look to good and nodded off during conversations.

I took a home drug test about 3 months ago. I was clean for 8 days and made a deal with myself: I’d buy heroin during the week and keep it until after the test. If I could stay clean for the 8 days I could take once - just once! So, the test came out positive and I was devastated. I knew for a fact I didn’t take anything during the week (even though I was hiding a needle full of heroin) and my parents didn’t believe me either. We found out later it was the medicine I was on at the time that made me test positive, but needless to say I still took after the test. And by now you know it didn’t stop there. Once just isn’t something an addict has in their vocabulary.

I was never fond of taking tests. Didn’t matter how well prepared I was – I was a nervous wreck. I don’t think I did too bad at school. I had higher hopes and if I learned a bit harder, maybe I would have reached them. But I left Matric with 3 A’s and 3 B’s. Won’t call myself a genius but didn’t exactly look like a prime candite for heroin addiction either.

But that is where the road took me. Through the other drugs, the heroin, the abuse and finally to this day: The testing day! I’ll have the results later – so look out for that entry. This time, I have been clean for weeks, I’m not on any medicine and I’m not hiding needles filled with heroin either. And that, my friends, is a excellent start!

"Testing Day (Part 2)"
I’m trying to look back over my shoulder. She is still sitting there, watching me: watching me standing in the corner, urinating into a cup. This is a first for me. I’m not one for public urinating and being watched by someone while I do it is just strange. But she has to make sure I’m not cheating on the test. There is a lot of ways to cheat a drug test. I looked up some of the methods before being tested a few times in the past.

Of course, I don’t need them today, but I’m still a nervous wreck. I’m strangely nauseous and shaking from what appears to be excitement. In a few seconds a little red line will determine my future. Kind of makes me think I’m waiting for a pregnancy test, or the time I was waiting for the results of my Aids test.

“So… you can tell your parents you’ve been good” she tells me as she checks the lines on the test. “Congratulations, you are negative – the test is clean!”