Day 17 - "To Med or Not to Med"

Sunday, 10 December 2006 - Day 17 - "To Med or Not to Med"

It has been a week since I’ve stopped my medication. I keep thinking, maybe I should have stayed on them longer. There is such a big part of me that wants to move on with my life – maybe I’m pushing it a bit. I keep telling myself – just keep busy. Force yourself to get off this bed. Walk around, clean the room, attend to those mounting favors you owe the rest of the world. But I can’t get up – I’m totally exhausted and lifeless. It feels like my body is being pulled down by a bunch of weights and I’m fighting to keep my head and body up.

It has been like this the whole week: both at home and at the office. I’ve been taking safe non-addictive medicine for temporary relief of some of the muscle pain but still feel so droopy. I find out today, some ex-addicts say the symptoms don’t go away till after 40 days. I know I can’t just expect things to magically be like it was in the beginning. I didn’t get to this point of my life in one day and it won’t take one day or even 17 to fix it. I know that, but that means I’m not even halfway yet – and that is just depressing.

And of course Sundays are the worst. Everything is so quiet and slow compared to the rat race of the rest of the week. It gives you too much time to think about your sins – and I have more than enough of those to think about. I’ve got the test tomorrow and I’m feeling really good about that. I would love for the rest of the week and my body, to go as good and pain-free as well.