Day 21/3 - "Blind Mouse"

Thursday, 14 December 2006 - Day 21/3 - "Blind Mouse"

Today, 21 days ago I started My Heroin Recovery. I decided that I would not be living the life of a drug addict anymore: I would not be buying, taking or even think about drugs. I would endeavor anything possible to give my family the life back my dealings have taken from them and I would give myself the luxury of living the life of a normal 26 year old.

I still feel very confident about my recovery and that I can stick to that promise. But, as we know, something happened on Monday - I made a mistake. I am still the same person I was on Monday morning before that test - but I made a mistake. I’m not sure how conscious it was or how many signs I would have noticed before hand but I can’t change anything about that now. What matter is that I learn from this experience and insure it never happens again!

My family is still hurting and angry. I think not so much about the fact that it happened, but more because they don’t know what to do to prevent it in the future. They feel helpless and frankly, so do I. I am the only one that can put a stop to this cycle and at times I don’t even know how to proceed.

As I said in a previous blog, I’m technically allergic to any morphine, opioid or codeine products now. Even a little amount will not only make me sick but start the withdrawal symptoms again. So, guess what, I’m withdrawing – big surprise. Feels like I’ve been taking for weeks and suddenly stopped again. Just a reminder of how dangerous it is to take now.

Any recovery comes with its ups and downs, its positive days and negative days, its abstinence, lapses and its relapses. This is my road to recovery. If it was something that had to happen, then I’m glad it happened now and not 3 months from now. One thing is for sure I’ll be cautious of the signs in the future. If I learn nothing else from it – at least I learned that!