Day 22/4 - "Not your story, not your life"

Friday, 15 December 2006 - Day 22/4 - "Not your story, not your life"

I have watched many movies and read loads of books on heroin addiction. Even before I starting using heroin myself I read a few people’s stories of addiction and recovery. There was one story in particular that catched my attention: A story of a man who spent most of his life abusing alcohol and later drugs. His father was an alcoholic and that, along with the abuse in his family, drove them all apart. He spent his life in and out of jails, in and out of rehabs, in and out of consciousness trying to get away from the hurt.

Somebody compared my blog to a soap opera the other day: they can’t wait to hear the next installment of the ‘story’ everyday. So, I guess the relapse on Monday was a great soap opera twist - if that is what you are looking for. But my story is very different from the ones that make the books so interesting to read. In this story you will not find parental abuse or alcoholism. You will not find sexual favors for drugs or sexual abuse in jails.

I’m hoping you see that my story isn’t one of those. I come from a very loving family: a mom and a dad who love each other more and more every day. I have parents who love us and will do anything in their power to be able to give us good lives. I won’t exactly say that everything was handed to us on silver plates but we have lead easy lives – to that I’ll admit. I have never been abused or molested by anyone and I’ve spent 3 days in jail, at most, and nothing happened during that time to eternally scar me.

But one day there was an 18 year old boy that woke up and decided that he wanted to try drugs. It might have started with something as simple and harmless as ecstasy but it was the gateway to many other more dangerous things to follow. I was fortunate enough to be in an environment where I could get money, even if it was by stealing it from people close to me. I sold my own stuff and even sold drugs on occasion. But eventually money would run out and I’d have to start selling my soul to get my precious drugs.

The point I’m trying to make today is that when we read the stories in those books or on these blogs about the people that threw their lives way, it doesn’t seem like our stories. We won’t ever do drugs, we won’t ever do heroin – this won’t ever be our lives. But I said that too, I’m not your typical candidate for heroin addiction but it became my story – it became my life!