Day 3 - "Better of Dead"

Monday, 26 November 2006 - Day 3 - "Better of Dead"

It is Day Three. I’ve found that it is one of the most difficult days to be at. My body is slowly starting to feel better – with the help of medicine, of course. My mind is still fighting against it. As the heroin slowly loses the grip it has on my life my mind fights tooth and nail, convinced that the only thing it needs is just another hit, just one more. Every time it feels like it is harder to let go.

My parents and I had a long conversation last night. They told me everybody would be better off if I’m dead. I’ve been told that before but nobody has ever made such a compelling argument. I stood there without saying a thing, I couldn’t argue because I knew it was true – they didn’t have to help me!

One of my friends died a few weeks back. The details of his death is still unclear to us all but we know one thing – it was his addiction to heroin that ultimately killed him. I remember his parents the weeks leading up to his death. They were total wrecks, when they weren’t mad at what was happening to their family they were crying because they were fast losing hope. I remember those looks well – it is much the same as the looks my parents have now. But his family is happier now, happier than ever, even after a death in the family. They don’t have their son slowly ripping their lives apart. They could actually live again for the first time in ages.

So, I look at the lifestyle I’ve forced apon my family, the staggering debt, the constant betrayal, the persistent lying. It seems the reasons to have me gone far outrank the ones to have me stay. I can’t let this go on for another day!