Day 6 - "When secrets are revealed"

Wednesday, 29 November 2006 - Day 6 - "When secrets are revealed"

It is Day 6 of My Heroin Recovery. What was supposed to be another positive day has exploded into the worst day for me yet. I look across the room into the red cried eyes of my mom and dad. They have offered so much to me, their washout son intend on throwing his life away. My eyes are red to. I can hardly see the keyboard through the tears streaming down my face. All I can manage is a trembling “I’m sorry!”

Through out my addiction and recovery over this past year there has been two immense secrets I have kept. One of them was my heroin addiction that shocked my parents completely the Saturday afternoon when they finally found out. I remember that day as if it was yesterday. They didn’t know it at the time, but I had forever changed their lives with five words: “I am addicted to heroin!”

My second secret is a direct result of my heroin addiction. The addict in me have manipulated, lied and stolen to protect it. I think that trying to keep the secret and do damage control along the way has been one of the major reasons I keep relapsing. Why keep it then? This problem escalated so quickly that I soon found myself with something that would hurt and disappoint many people. I have given my work, family and friends so much heartbreak over the past few months that I didn’t want to drop another bombshell on them.

Today it finally exploded in my face. Part of it was due to circumstance but a major part of me realized that until I got this off my chest and out in the open I would never be free from this addiction. It was not an easy truth to reveal and even at this moment many lives are being trampled by its disclosure.

As an addict I am used to run away from my emotions by taking heroin. With this emotional trip going on around me, my mind and body is screaming for heroin. I’m fighting for my sanity. I know that it is drugs that got me into this position, and for now I try and remember that drugs won’t get me out of it!