Day 63/45 – “Balancing the scales”

Thursday, 25 January 2007 – Day 63/45 – “Balancing the scales”

It is just like 100 days ago, 63 days ago, 45 days ago. No matter what I do, karma, God, whoever you think is the higher power in your life is getting back at me. It is so wrong to think it, but maybe I should just have died. When our cars collided yesterday… maybe I should just have died!

I was in a car accident last night. I am okay, except for a sore leg where the car hit me. The medics checked me out and nothing is broken but my muscles are so sore I can hardly move my leg or walk on it. I have a few bruises and cuts, but other than that I’m still alive. My car, however, doesn’t look that good. If you look at the car I think it is a miracle that I wasn’t hurt badly. My doors, my dash, even the umbrella in my boot (totally on the other side of the car) was broken in bits. My windows all broke from the impact and even the glasses on my face were propelled from my face onto the other car.

I stood there thinking… I don’t have the energy for this, my mother, my father – they don’t have the energy for this. We are still going through on of the most challenging things I think can happen to a family or a person, last week saw the changes at work which has us all stressed to high levels and now, literally with a BANG comes the next problem. They don’t deserve this – BUT I DO!

I have done many wrongs in my life, especially towards my family and I think the scales needs a lot of work before they will ever balance. I have been flooded by people thanking me for my stories, the reality of it, my courage, my honesty and I sooth my conscience by thinking that at least I am doing good by writing this blog. Every day I am one day closer to repaying my debt. These blogs aren’t only my biggest saviour but for many, my life, my reality has shown them that they too can lead a better life.
This isn’t exactly the better life they were referring to, but yet again the writer(s) of my life story keeps me on my toes. I know these are all material things so I am very fortunate not to be hurt badly. Still this feeling of guilt hangs over me today like the rain clouds in this country at the moment. I know until I balance the scales everybody around me, especially my family, will still hurt and suffer!