Day 81/4 – “One, Two, Three, Four...”

Monday, 12 February 2007 – Day 81/4 – “One, Two, Three, Four...”

Well, here we are. I made it past 80 days in my recovery which is very anti-climatic due to the contrasting 4 days I have been clean now. It is very strange reading the title and looking at a number which seems unnatural there. I’ll be reminded everyday of my ‘mistake’ as I read the title.

My intention on Friday was not to post anything this weekend. On Friday my mind was clouded and I was very confused. I just told my mom, still had to tell my dad and slowly as friends and family were reading the blog I started getting calls and e-mails about something I wasn’t really ready to talk about.

On Saturday morning when I woke up, after everybody that had to know, knew… I felt much better. I decided to start writing everything down that I was feeling. The original 7 page emotional outburst was reduced to the two blog entries of this weekend. It was strangely received, as well. I found myself amazingly positive over the weekend despite the setback – and most people’s response were that I needed professional help.

Not exactly what I wanted to hear – but the truth is what we tell on this blog. Unfortunately as far as I know there isn’t much support for ‘drug addicts’ where I live. I can’t just pop in to NA Meetings anytime of the week. But it doesn’t mean that I am not working on the problem and fighting to prevent future lapses.

Even today, I am extremely positive even with the slight withdrawal symptoms still lurking inside of me. Amazing what damage a little heroin does, one time and I feel like a zombie again with my insides screaming.

I am mad at myself as well, as I’m sure many are. I don’t take what happened last week lightly. But I also feel that as long as I can have regret about happened and the will to keep on fighting to make it better – everything will turn out okay.