Day 82/5 – “Purpose”

Tuesday, 13 February 2007 – Day 82/5 – “Purpose”

There were a few times I thought of maybe stopping the blog. I guess you get those days you mistakenly believe that you are cured and that you no longer have the disease – addiction. As I didn’t want to mindless blabber on everyday on a subject that was technically over I considered stopping. But I soon found out that even a 1000 days from now there would still be me and my heroin recovery.

Writing this blog has been one of the most excellent things I’ve done in my life. On a personal level it has been my ‘therapist couch’. I get to lie here everyday and speak my mind, tell my story to the approximately 150 people that read it everyday, excluding the ones on the mailing list.

Imagine telling your story to a 150 people every day and hope that they can understand the methods you sometimes use or forgive you when you relapse. That they can be there for you on the bad days and celebrate with you on the good ones. I know I have helped a few people change their lives around, because they’ve contacted me to tell me. To think that even one person could have been saved from this hell because of my words is very rewarding.

As you know one of the issues I have been struggling with these past few weeks was a purpose. I’ve spent 6-7 years of my life mindlessly drifting around using drugs. Inside I knew I had so much more to offer but I always found myself on a service road somewhere overlooking the highway I was suppose to be on.

Marcy, I think even new people in blogworld know we’ve been friends from the very beginning. From my first entry that Friday afternoon you’ve been there for me. Chinouk, Pilgrim, Madmom, Spidergirl, Tin, Baardman, Kitten, MadamInDubai, AnarchyAngel, Amma, Pam, Richard, MTB, SammyJoe and Tracy to name just a few. I thank you all so very much for your support. I know there are many more out there that comment or read and I hope you’ll all continue to do so in the future.

I am not celebrating the 60 days clean I would have been had it not been for the lapse last week. I am not celebrating 80 days clean had it not been for the lapse on Day 18. But on this and my other blog I am celebrating 82 days with all of you – I am celebrating a purpose!