Day 104 – “Digging up the Money Tree”

Wednesday, 7 March 2007
Day 104 / 27 (59) – “Digging up the Money Tree”

I’m afraid I have to report that I don’t feel much better today. I don’t know what is going on. If this is because of the alcohol this past weekend, I guess I brought it on myself, but it is slightly unexpected. Feels like a train hit me last night again – a big one. I’m irritated, sore, depressed… arggggg….

And to put the icing on the cake I lost a whole bottle of pain pills. Last I remember the pills were in my room and when I checked on Monday the whole bottle was gone. I’ve turned my room and most of the house upside down searching for it – with no luck.

It is not overlay expensive pills but it is hard to come by. Its natural pain pills because I can’t really take anything else. At the rate I sometimes have to take them I’ll get addicted to that as well. It specifically targets the leg and muscle pain I’ve been having – which is my worst symptoms. Of course, feeling like this everyday is still a reminder of my foolishness to take heroin again.

As I was looking for the pills yesterday I found it quite scary. Here I was looking for a box of pills that cost me around the same as a hit of heroin used to cost. And to think there was a time I spent that amount 2-3 times a day – EVERY SINGLE DAY. I can’t begin to imagine the amount of money I have spent on drugs on in my lifetime.

Of course, I am still paying most of it off. My salary every month goes directly to the parents and I get a few rands every week to spend when I go out. That is probably one of the hardest things. I was used to spending money anytime, anywhere. Now, I have to ask for an allowance again. Even though my whole salary goes to them, they still pay a huge portion of it out of their own bank account every month. So, I’m really grateful.

Somebody asked me yesterday how much debt I have. To be honest with you, I haven’t checked in a while and I’m not really up for it. It will be too depressing. At least now I have this misguided perception that I’m actually making financial progress. I wouldn’t want to burst that bubble.