Day 40/22 - "Remembering Day 1"

Tuesday, 2 January 2007 - Day 40/22 - "Remembering Day 1"

This post was originally written on 10 November 2006. I tried to get to Day 2, but didn’t make it. The following week I tried and failed again. Then on 24 November 2006 I posted this entry and it officially started My Heroin Recovery, I almost didn’t make it to Day 2 again… here is to remembering Day 1!

I remember a time when I woke up early in the mornings, energized and eager to start the day. I couldn’t wait to go to work and share my day with the same old faces and interesting new ones I would meet along the way. That was a time when I could come and go as I pleased with no question as to my actions or regret by me when they are done.

I remember money in the bank. It wasn’t much but it was there. I worked hard for it, every cent of it and I never stole a thing. It was a time when I had friends – real friends. Those that wanted to spend every moment with me because I was good conversation. Those that answered their phones when they saw your number because they knew you weren’t just using them or stealing from them. Those that weren’t ashamed to be seen with you in public.

I remember my mother and father. Two happy people who loved, trusted and respected me. Who slept at night because they didn’t worry about what their son was up to. Who cried when they saw a heartbreaking movie and not because they were hurt or disappointed, yet again. I remember a brother who spoke to me like we were best friends and didn’t ignore me like the plague.

I remember a day a long time ago when I would never have used heroin. The thought of heroin or a needle - it was unthinkable. I remember that day because I was not relying on anybody to feel normal or happy or in control. I didn’t spend hours waiting for dealers just to have a moment of gratification. Cravings were for chocolates and I could handle my emotions.

Yes, I remember a life. I don’t know if I can ever have it again. But this is me trying... this is Day One!