Day 42/24 - "Rules of Engagement"

Thursday, 4 January 2007 - Day 42/24 - "Rules of Engagement"

Ouch, my aching head!
Why, oh, why did I drink that glass of wine…
and the one after that…
and the one after that…
ah, my aching head!

It is no secret that I am still consuming some alcohol. Every time I take a drink I am reminded just how dangerous it still is to me. One sip and I start getting these splitting headaches. I should probably listen to my body and stop!

I am not reckless or irresponsible at all. If I drink it is usually in a crowd and I don’t drive home alone. That way I can’t just stop somewhere to get heroin. But alcohol puts you in another frame of mind, as it is also a mind altering substance. And since I’m an addict when it comes to mind altering substances – I’m playing Russian roulette every time I drink!

Since the blog started many more people have started reading it. My family here and spread out across the country, the friends who see me on a regular basis or those that haven’t seen me in a while – they all have the blog address now. They know who I am, they know my number, and they know my parents. My boss, my colleagues, my brother, my parents – soon all will be reading.

It is a scary thought. It increasingly creates pressure on exactly how much of the truth I can comfortably tell. This is after all diary and from time to time bits of information might pop up that people that know me well – were never supposed to know. So, perhaps I’ll just practice a bit of discretion when it comes to matters not directly related to the recovery. If I start censoring the blog it kind of defeats one of the purposes. So, buckle up dear family, friends, colleagues and those ‘one night stands’, put the kiddies to bed and sit down for this – because all will still be revealed!