Day 43/25 - "All too easy"

Friday, 5 January 2007 - Day 43/25 - "All too easy"

My whole life was like one of those movies where you live the same day over and over again until you finally get it right. For months I was living this same day and messing it up every time. I knew I had the strength inside of me but it started to look like heroin was stronger than me.

There was a time I didn’t think I would get over it. I was ready to throw in the towel. I think at many occasions my parents probably felt the same. If death was what heroin was going to do me then so be it, but I couldn’t fight any more. We all say and do things when we are angry, hurt or tired. So, yes there was a time I think all of us hoped I would just die!

And then after all that… one day I just woke up and decided to fight back and never live the life of a drug addict again. It all seems too easy, doesn’t it?! I blame it on the rest of the world. They kept insisting that I wouldn’t be able to do it without Rehab or that it wouldn’t just take a few weeks at home to get better. Even my parents have been asking it a lot lately: “doesn’t it all seem too easy?” And to be truthfully honest at times I wonder about it myself. There was a time I was ready to die and look at me now…

But it isn’t that easy. I’m still tired and sick everyday. I’m still sore and depressed every day. I’m still broke and in debt every day. I’m still questioned and warned, doubted and watched every single day. But I keep fighting, I stay positive and optimistic – so that I can stay clean everyday!