Day 128 – “I can't sleep!”

Sunday, 1 April 2007
Day 128 / 52 (59) – “I can't sleep!”

I can’t sleep, again! That place of comfort that I went to every night before praying, got lost somewhere, somehow. The escape pod that waited next to my bed to transport me away from this world to that place of comfort, lay in pieces - not even my dreams spared. The guardian angel that looked over my head and guarded over my body while I slept, hung from the wall dripping blood on my face.

It’s my rope, its my fingerprints, its still my fault!

Something is moving up my leg. I need no degree in biology to determine the specie. Even the most deprived individual knows when a snake moves up its leg. Any person can feel the scaly skin of the slithering snake eating at your flesh, leaving an acid-trail of breadcrumbs to find its way back! I can feel the poison boiling in its body; I can see it, waiting to be released on my flesh, eating at it until there is nothing left. There is already nothing left!

My nails colour my white body with blood as it pierces deep into my flesh digging for some remaining self-respect that wasn’t dried out or taken. My bloody fingertips signals violently in the air begging for a donation from the gifted passers. Those individuals that was smart enough to fill their drinking bottles with water while it still lasted. Those I frowned upon because they wouldn’t jump off the bridge with me. Those clean hands, those clean mouths, those clean nails!!

Scales slither around my deep trailed neck as it has done so many times before. I am grabbing for air and it usually loosens its grip when it sees me suffer. Silly me thought I was mercied upon but soon realised it was only playing with me. I was its mouse. No! I was its rat, and it toyed with me. It would only be a matter of time before it pierced me with its poison draining the last bit of life from whatever part of my body was left.

I was a queen on a chessboard, moving everywhere I wanted to. Now, I'm the king. My drugged and disillusioned mind thinks it owns the board. Instead it sits in the corner unable to move watching how all the other pieces moves about. It thinks it has the knowledge to overcome, to survive. It thinks it has the last move – but it’ll never make it that far!

I can’t sleep… The events of my life that has shaped me as I am lie unforgettable, slow motioning in my head. They keep on repeating, over and over again.

I can’t close my eyes.
I can’t leave them open.
I can’t sleep!


P.S) Missed blogging terribly and glad to be back. Will see all of you tomorrow and we'll talk a bit about the past week!