Day 129 - "My few minutes (continued...)"

Monday, 2 April 2007
Day 129 / 53 (59) - "My few minutes (continued...)"

To quickly start where I ended off earlier today I have always found my blog to be a pretty topical blog without the flooding of entries that makes a feedreader hang while it updates. Everybody has their own way I guess.

As much as blogging helps me with my emotions every day you get those times when you just want to forget. You want to forget you’re a lot of things, things you haven’t even shared with a lot of people. You want to forget you’re a heroin addict. You want to forget you’re depressed. For one day, one week, you just want to be – that boy again. That blonde curly haired boy with absolutely no worries in the world.

I’ve thought a lot about the things I want to say this week and absolutely none of it makes sense to me. My mind is like an atom bomb that exploded. Destruction, particles, distress every where! It’s the chaos after the storm.

So, I guess my explanation is that I needed something different for a change. Hopefully when you read further the rest of the week this will make more sense to you. If it does – I hope you’ll explain it to me. I needed a break from the routine in my life. This is something that has been creeping on me for weeks and last week it just got too much.

Its weird, it was actually helpful in a way. I needed some time off from thinking about what is happening to me, time off from sharing it or talking about or even thinking about it! And as relaxing as the time was doing ‘other things’ - in the end it just got my mind more cloudy. So, I’m not sure if the posts of this week are going to make any sense. If they don’t then luckily you’ve only wasted a few minutes!

What I do know is that already after writing these two posts I feel much better. I guess that’s why it is so important to go to support meetings, although we don’t have them here.

It was a month ago that I said my life would drastically change and I would do the things I’ve been meaning to do for so long. Unfortunately not much has changed yet. After almost a 130 days in recovery I know one thing now better than ever – this is still going to take a while!