My Heroin Recovery (Wednesday, 24 October 2007)
Day 334/5 – “Countdown”
I spent the whole day today thinking about where my life is and where I’m going with it. I had a relapse and since that day I haven’t been able to completely get rid of it. My family were furious because I tried to take again. They keep supporting me and helping me and I keep going back to the same routine. My friends were not exactly impressed that I lied to them or kept them at a distance the past few weeks. My ‘significant other’ and I decided to rather be friends because I couldn’t and still can’t give my attention to a relationship and even at the office the impact was negative because my head wasn’t in the right place. Something needs to change!
Last year I got to a point where we all made the decision that if I didn’t get better before a certain date I would go to Rehab. A lot of people have mentioned Rehab since my post on Saturday and I feel I need to clarify something. I have never said “No” to going to Rehab. I am obviously not very eager to what Rehab might cause (such as possibly losing my job) but compared to losing my life there is no contest. I see Rehab as a last resort when all other roads have been exhausted. Unfortunately, we seemed to have reached that destination.
In exactly a month it will be a year ago that I started My Heroin Recovery. I have then appropriately given myself until that day (that’s 4 weeks) to get off heroin, get off the medicine and give a clean test. That is yet another chance I might or might not deserve. Some would say I have already had way too many chances. I’d like to see this as motivation. Whatever the case, if I can’t do it then I am going to Rehab.
I have shown the strength once before and left heroin and moved on with my life. It will continue to be a life long struggle but I am much more positive today than the preceding few days that I can beat this once again. As always I’ll be here informing you how it’s going and hope you’ll continue following My Heroin Recovery.
Day 334/5 – “Countdown”
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"I see Rehab as a last resort when all other roads have been exhausted." What is there left to exhaust Christiaan? How much more pain and suffering do you want to endure. Only the lucky survive.
You seem like a nice guy regardless of whether you use or not. I strongly recommend going to rehab but it will take a leap of faith on your part.
My thoughts are with you on this side of the world. Take care, Denys.