Day 335/6 – “O… for Opportunity”

My Heroin Recovery (Thursday, 25 October 2007)
Day 335/6 – “O… for Opportunity”

It is Day 6. After the disaster of Tuesday night I was forced to examine what I was doing with my life and which direction it was heading. Heroin pushes you into this haze where nothing seems to matter any more and even though I have real regret at times about my actions and what it does to those around me, it all seems to disappear when you crave it again.

I was alone today the whole day. I knew that if I wanted to I could get heroin and just continue like I have the past few weeks. If I had, my parents probably would have noticed. The trust I build up the past year is now gone again because of all my lies so I can’t blame them for checking for any signs of it. More importantly I knew that if I took today I would just have given myself permission to take yet again another day.

So, I am extremely proud to say that even with ample opportunity I stayed clear of it today. It wasn’t just an easy ride. The whole day felt empty, like I missed something and I realize that the whole mission of getting and taking heroin became a routine in my life that now leaves a very empty space. It will take time again to fix that. It will take a lot of time to fix many things.

Hykie Berg, whom I think is uber cute and talented told about his Heroin Addiction last night on Kwela. I sat and listened in horror how he told about what he went through, how he scored, when he took and how he finally struggled to get clean. His story was almost exactly the same as mine. Even after 7 years of totally being clean he relapsed almost throwing it all away. It just shows you how you can never let your guard down, not with any addiction, especially not with heroin. As I saw him there on TV you would never say he was a heroin addict. My wish to myself and countless others out there is that we can also be that lucky.