"Day 14 in Rehab (Part 1)"

Thursday, 22 May 2008
Rehab - "Day 14 in Rehab (Part 1)"
Rehab, 14 April 2008 (Part 1)...

When I opened my eyes this morning I couldn’t breathe, my eyes were swollen, I was nauseous and had leg cramps. It felt like the inside of my legs was trying to scratch it’s way out. It has been 2 weeks since I last took any heroin and I was lying here withdrawing badly.

My mind switched into the mode it had as default for all these months. It wanted heroin. I felt like I was lying back at home already making plans how to get it today. Where would I get the money? When will I have a chance to organize? Where will I take it? These were the questions that started every single day of my life. These were the questions I repeated 4,5,6 times a day.

The feeling wasn’t new to me but it came unexpected this morning. I had no doubt that the events of the past few days, the nightmares, and my medicine stopping this week all contributed to the physical pain I felt. But whether my mind contributed to me feeling this bad or not – I was feeling it now and I wanted heroin now.

I got out of bed and went downstairs. Darrell was already there drinking coffee and immediately saw something wasn’t right. I sat next to him shaking, crying, craving. I need to take something now, I told him. If I have to book myself out of this clinic today, I need to take something now.

Darrell took my one hand, putting his other arm around my waist almost hugging me with it. He prayed, asking God to send an Angel to protect me.

“You’ll be okay”
“I hope so”
“Don’t hope, Christiaan. Believe!”