"Day 11 in Rehab"

Tuesday, 20 May 2008
Rehab - "Day 11 in Rehab"
Rehab, 11 April 2008...

I like who I am becoming. I am almost at my halfway mark in the clinic and things are really looking better. I’ve made amazing friends here and we spend every single moment together playing games, talking and laughing.

The group’s emotions is like a rollercoaster, one minute every body is up and the next everybody is down. Bernice and Pieter* are getting along great. In fact so great that everybody already thinks they are a couple. It is as if the whole clinic including all the therapists and nurses are waiting for them to mess up. The same goes for Jodi and Ryan who clearly have something going on aswell.

I play the inevitable 3rd and 5th wheel in the group as the one who seems destined to end up alone again. It shouldn’t bother me that much. After all, we are in the clinic to work on our addiction and not concentrate on relationships. But perhaps I’ve even stumbled upon one of the reasons for my addiction. It is actually quite ironic – using drugs to not be alone and in the process pushing everybody away through your drug taking. Then again, heroin was like a love to me. I was never alone when I had heroin.

Now I don’t have heroin anymore, not as a safety blanket, not as anything. It is now that I realize how fake the ‘drugging buddies’ really were. It is now that I find true friendship with the people in the clinic. It is actually sad, these are the some of the nicest people you could ever hope to meet in your entire life – and all of us are drug addicts and alcoholics. Imagine that!