Friday, 23 March 2007
Day 120 / 42 (59) – “72 hours clean (Part 3 of 3)”
Hey everybody. All is still going well… I’ll tell you in detail how the past few days has been going on Monday. I made a mistake a while back with the Second Day Counter and corrected it yesterday… So I’m on Day 120 / 42. Enjoy your Friday. Here is the last part of ’72 hours clean’…
We decided to go our separate ways because we all knew that together it was only a matter of time before one of us cracked. I reluctantly went home.
By this time I felt like little piranhas were eating away at my flesh. I could hardly move. I got a Voltaren injection and lay on the bed pretending to watch television. My Oscar performance as a normal guy with no problems in the world began. It would have to last the whole weekend.
I’m not sure what my parents thought but I spent most of the Saturday in bed. At times I tried to look busy just to avoid suspicion even though I was hurting so badly. In a way I felt better – almost proud of myself. This was the second day. It was one of the only times I ever got to a second day.
Sunday morning I opened my eyes and one thought ran through my mind like a train station at peak time. I wanted heroin. Before I opened my eyes, before a conscious thought played in my mind – I had decided. It was asif I was asked myself the question the whole night and every time the answer came blaring through… YES… YES…. YES!
Before I even entered 72 hours I was back where I was the Thursday night – a heroin addict. I came close and for months and months after that day, that was the closest I got. The months following that day lead to more frequent heroin use. I started injecting myself and soon there was no reason to wait. There would be no more days where anybody said, ‘lets go home’. There would be no more 72 hours clean!
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Day 120 - “72 hours clean (Part 3 of 3)”
Day 119 – “72 hours clean (Part 2 of 3)”
Thursday, 22 March 2007
Day 119 / 42 (59) – “72 hours clean (Part 2 of 3)”
Continues from Part 1...
A few hours passed with all of us avoiding the obvious. I had every intention to stop taking the weekend but my mind was another mission. Whether I closed my eyes or kept them open they only saw one thing, they only needed one thing – heroin.
I was still in the beginning stages of my addiction, that weekend. I was absolutely dependent on when my friends took, because they injected me. In the beginning I never injected myself. Ironically, I hated needles. If they said No, then it was No. But they weren’t saying No… they were just keeping quiet and I knew they wanted it just as badly as I wanted it.
I guess I felt safe in a way. As long as somebody else had to inject me, I didn’t have a problem. It was still controlled to a certain extend because I was depending on them. Of course, my dependence was on another addict’s heroin habits. People hurting just as bad and even more than I was. Nobody really had a choice anymore.
If I told the story of any other day the following outcome would be different. It was almost guaranteed that somebody, anybody would crack eventually. The need for heroin was much more than any agreement, any promise or any other desire to ever get clean. Any undertaking to stop immediately faded once the craving kicked in. On this day… nobody said a word.
'72 hours clean' concludes tomorrow (Friday)!
Day 117 – “72 hours clean (Part 1 of 3)"
Tuesday, 20 March 2007
Day 117 / 40 (59) – “72 hours clean (Part 1 of 3)”
We all wanted it. Each one of us more badly than the next. Right there, right then I would have given anything. I would have taken, stolen, sold anything just to get it. To feel that overwhelming feeling of content rush over me. All of us wanted it… but nobody said a thing!
It was Friday afternoon. Fridays didn’t signal ‘weekend’ to us. It was the start of detox. We entered every single weekend more determined than ever that this time would be it. This would be the time we kicked this habit and heroin would never be in control of us again. To us Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays were spent fighting the daemons, trying to stay away from the dealer, trying to get clean.
I took off from work early. I was hurting badly. I last took heroin the night before and I knew in a short while my body would be aching so much that I could hardly walk. Nobody knew yet, so I had to pretend that everything was okay. Sure, I had the occasional off-day and they could see I’m not feeling well, but I could always blame it on something. In a few minutes I would be withdrawing and everybody would see something was wrong.
I got together with my friends. We all decided to stay together the afternoon and look after each other. We had no medicine and withdrawing cold turkey was dangerous. We sat in the lounge watching television. I can’t remember what was on. I don’t think I even knew then. The thoughts of taking heroin were screaming in the room. Dead silence but deafening screaming for heroin. Everybody wanted it but nobody was going to be the instigator. Not this time! All of us wanted it… but nobody said a word!
Part 2 continues tomorrow Thursday...
